jokes1

Jokes

1. It figures! 2.Games 3.Old is when 4.A true story 5.Duh! 6. Politics

A couple was driving down the interstate when a state trooper pulled them over.
The trooper asked the man did he realize he was speeding. The lady being hard
of hearing asked her husband, "What did he say?"
The man sharply replied, "He asked if I knew I was speeding.
"The trooper then asked, "Sir may I see your license?"
The lady asked her husband, "What did he say?"
The man replied sharply, "He wants to see my driver’s license!"
The trooper looking at the license replied, "I see that you are from Florida. The
most annoying woman I ever knew was from Florida."
The lady asked, "What did he say?"
The husband said, "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!!"

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER:

1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical recliners

OLD IS WHEN.........

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and
make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friend compliments you on your new
alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your
pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just
as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the
doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means you don't
need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

A TRUE STORY....

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top . of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed. Ah, senior moments!

DUH !

One rainy evening, my girl, Dawn, and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that she had locked the keys in the car. I insisted I could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found.

I then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, I got the door open and we climbed in. As we sat there, soaked and cold, Dawn stuck the hanger under her seat. With a smug grin, she said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one."

Politics...

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says,"Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the head of the family, so call me the President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the govern-
ment. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the
door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit."