On the Lighter Side...!
Adam Accused By Eve!
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their
husbands....
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve!
BIG Trouble!
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who
were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town,
their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude... God is missing--and they think WE did it!"
Bill Gates at the Pearly Gates
Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident.
Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before . . . I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." "So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is Hell, I'd REALLY like to see Heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but nothing like Hell. It didn't take long for Bill to reach his decision. "I think I prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming among hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill Gates. His voice filled with anguish an disappointment, Bill responded, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?" "Oh, that was a demo," replied St. Peter. "This is the release version."
Extreme Golfing
Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an
old man.
They've been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green. Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green. Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap. A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man's card. "Alright Dad, stop showing off"!
God Does Have A Sense of Humor
A man was praying to God.
He said, "God!?" God responded, "Yes?" And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?" "Go right ahead," God said. "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "A million years to me is only a second." "Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God said, "A million dollars to me is as a penny." So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."
The devil's wife!
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when
all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening
and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one
old man.
When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years".
Vow of Silence!
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence.
He's allowed to say only two words every 7 years.
After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say... "You've done nothing but complain since you've been here!"
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